We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
