I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
