Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
