I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
