toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
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you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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