yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
