good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
