That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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