whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
