Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
