Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
