See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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