So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
