I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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