dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also, beer. Big fan.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
