What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
