i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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