I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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