is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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