After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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