A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Let's get the cat blown out
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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