we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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