i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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