so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
