I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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