i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish i was in the wii world.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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