the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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