You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
