i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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