I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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