On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
