her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
