i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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