i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
