The police scanner is talking about you again....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
