Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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