haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is it because I queefed?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
