it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
