i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
