There is no way he is gay with that hair.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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