dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
false alarm, still single
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