..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
