dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
