I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
