i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
