i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
