You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
