you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
