Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
