well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
