i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
