I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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