A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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