There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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