does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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