look no pants
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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