Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
