i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
