im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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