Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
