My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
