Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
