I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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