you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
