Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
