Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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