"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
cat food counts as protein by the way
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
