i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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