i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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