her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
