Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
