Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
