I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm too high and old for this...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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