i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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