just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
