forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
