Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
COCAINE IS GR8
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize