It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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