People in love make me want to vomit
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
