Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
two words: eviction party
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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