someone get that fucking seahorse.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
