i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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