My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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